We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
