So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
