just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
