I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
