I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
