I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
