Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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