i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
