Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
