There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
