Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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