dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
false alarm, still single
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