I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
