Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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