I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
