I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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