If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
