i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
