I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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