dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
