got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
