drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
