he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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