I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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