They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
there is glitter all over my balls
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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