a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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