What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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