I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
