This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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