i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
