cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
