At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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