So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i think i just lost a toe
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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