Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
