Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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