Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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