just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
