Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
