if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
