I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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