I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
