i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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