Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
