moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
