During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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