I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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