she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
