you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
