im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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