just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
